Don't Go Opening up Closed Doors (or Curtains)
by Summer Leigh Wind
Summary: At the desk, he saw Professor Sinistra bent over it, moaning and crying, and behind her was– Slamming the door shut, Blaise couldn't help but scream, "This is why those bloody Gryffindorks sing those crude ditties about us!" For the Dark One Rising. One-Shot


**_Don't Go Opening up Closed Doors (or Curtains)_**

* * *

It all happened the evening after everyone returned from winter holidays. Upon finishing his unpacking of his school trunk and organizing the last of his assignments, Blaise realized he couldn't find his potions paper. It had to be around the Slytherin Dungeons somewhere, he knew. He'd done it just the other afternoon! If Blaise didn't have it by class tomorrow morning he would be looking at more than a dreadful for the missing assignment. Knowing Professor Snape, he'd give him that infamous troll-grade that was rumored to have made Marcus Flint repeat his last year of Hogwarts.

Searching his dorm from top to bottom and then the common room, he began to grumble angrily to himself when he went to open a closet to–well, he wasn't quite sure. But whatever it was, he didn't care! He'd checked every other damn room in Slytherin and if this was all that there was left, he'd look no matter how ridiculous and illogical it seemed. Twisting the doorknob, he yanked it open only to get an eye full of two sweaty, _stunning _women.

It was Tracey Davis and Daphne Greengrass, he realized with a start. Tracey's hand was on Daphne's ass and when Blaise looked away from her really, _really _beautiful ass, he saw that Daphne was glaring at him with a steady amount of heat from where her face was pressed against Tracey's very nicely sized rack.

"Um." He gulped.

Rolling her wide-set eyes, Tracey disentangled herself just enough from her roommate's body to take the door from his unprotesting grip and slam it closed once again. Standing there in shock for a moment longer, Blaise lifted a fist to bang on the door. "Hey! Open up! I needed to see if my potions paper was in there!"

"Go 'way Blaise!" Was the muffled response he received followed by several far too gleeful giggles.

Just a bit turned on and very much in shock, Blaise slowly retreated and went toward his dorm; maybe Draco would know where he could look? He'd let him borrow his assignment earlier today after all…

Walking into his dorm, Blaise found it completely empty, or, so it seemed. Upon closer inspection, he realized that Draco's curtains were closed around his bed. concluding that it likely meant his roommate was in, the teenager wasted no time in bustling over to throw back the curtains.

What he found he could have done with out seeing.

Draco's nude rear end stuck out like alabaster against the green of the still closed curtains behind him, but what had to be the most disturbing part of it all was that he couldn't even see Draco's _face _because it was blocked far too much by Pansy's shapely thighs.

Staring at him, Pansy, thankfully still wearing her bra, reached around and grabbed Draco's tie and flung it at Blaise.

"Fuck off, you perv!" she shrieked.

Draco, startled from his work, was up in an instant. Staring at Blaise in an embarrassed way, he, unlike his girlfriend, had no qualms with getting up and shoving him away from his bed. "What the Hell, you bloody sicko!" Draco howled.

Practically running from his dorm, the only thing Blaise could do was cry, "All I wanted to know was if you had seen my potions assignment!"

* * *

Walking through the dungeons ten minutes later, Blaise was shaking his head mournfully as he hoped professor Snape would be in an understanding mood. Surely he'd given him an extra day if he explained his situation? Oh, who was he kidding! But he was almost to his head of house's office and Blaise _really_ didn't want to go back to his dorm for another hour, so…

Not even bothering to knock on Snape's door, he nudged it open with his shoulder and started, "Prof–"

At the desk, he saw Professor Sinistra bent over it, moaning and crying. Behind her was–

Slamming the door shut, Blaise couldn't help but scream, "This is why those fucking Gryffindorks sing those crude ditties about us!"

More than miserable at this point, the teenager decided the library would have to be the safest spot for him for the rest of the evening. At the very least, he could also get a start on a new potions paper that way…

About an hour later, halfway through his intro on the potentness of Love Potions, he put down his quill and grumbled to no one, "When the Hell is it _my _turn to get shagged?"

* * *

**Ohmygodthisissovulgar. Anyway, This is for the Dark One Rising who asked for me to try my hand at a crack fic...I think this counts? From my view on crack, it's really chaotic, crazy sort of stuff you'd only write when you're high or drunk or something. And, oh, _it's supposed to be funny_. I think it's funny, but I guess it matters more if you think it's funny (so do you think it's funny?).**

**Anyway, thanks again for all the Latin Dark One Rising!**

**Thank you all for reading this and please review!**

**P.S. Please vote on the poll I have on my page if you have the time!**

**EDITED: 2/22/16**


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